Spiritual Blahs & Ruts

Have you ever just felt like your weren't doing something wrong pursay but you weren't doing the most you could be doing? I know it's an odd question. But I feel like I'm stuck in a rut of indifference. I'm not doing anything bad or wrong but I'm also not trying.

I feel like I'm struggling just to keep my head above water. Physically, emotionally, and especially Spiritually. I know it's because I haven't been attending Church like I should, nor am I reading and praying like I should.

All I have are excuses after excuses for not going to church, not reading, and not praying but bottom line I'm not doing those things and those things are the only way I'm going to return to my Heavenly Father.

I don't want to make any excuses but do you know how hard it is to have entered into a life style of not attending Church and not doing all those things I mentioned above, and then completely change your life and try and start doing those things again? It's hard. And what's even harder is having a wonderful husband that doesn't believe the same things you do. It's so hard to pull myself away from him on Sundays. It's hard to read in front of him, it's hard to pray in front of him. Don't get me wrong he has never put any pressure on me or asked me not to do those things, but I feel weird when doing those things in front of him.

So halfway through typing this I went and had a great talk with Katie. Thank you Katie.

So from this day forth I'm going to try and be strong. I have to be for myself and especially for Sadie. She has been entrusted to me and Steve to raise the best we can and spiritually I haven't kept my end of that promise. So I'm looking to all my friends and family for encouragement and prayers. Prodding wouldn't hurt either. :)

I was reading a summary about Women at the well and I saw this as a description of Kenneth Cope's music: "Kenneth Cope's latest inspiration draws upon the realization that women were the catalysts to many of the New Testament's most spiritually poignant moments. A woman touches His garment, a woman hearkens to His invitation at a well, a woman washes His feet with her hair, a woman discovers His empty tomb. Written for women and performed by women, Women At The Well will stir the very center of your soul."

I just thought that was so meaningful and true. If I want my daughter to discover her full potential and to feel that she is a daughter of God, a precious soul, then I have to do what I can to remember those things myself or I won't be able to teach her.

I know that I am a daughter of God and I know that He loves me for me. I know that He hears my silent prayers in my heart and I know that He feels what I am going through. I know that He is there and all I have to do is reach out and talk to Him. I know that He has given me people in my life to help me return to Him. I also know that He has given me the Scriptures as a guide so that I might learn from our past and recognize the signs of His return. I know that we have a Prophet of God who leads us and helps us to be better than we are. I know that Joseph Smith was a Prophet and I'm so very grateful for his sacrifice to help establish His Church. I know that I will be able to see my family again and I know that they are watching over me and my family. I love Him and His Son Jesus Christ and I'm so very grateful for my knowledge of the Gospel.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings if you made it this far.