Motherhood Paranoia

Ok so Motherhood Paranoia has officially set in. The last few days Sadie hasn't been sleeping well. She has been very restless and would only sleep is snuggled with something or someone. I don't want her to get the habit of falling asleep being held so I've stopped. I calm her down and put her in her bassinet. The problem is now I can't sleep. She has thrown up a few times in the past few days and now I'm afraid she is going to choke while she is sleeping on her back.

We are trying to get her on a daytime awake schedule instead of the 1am or 3am schedule she is on. I'm sure that is why she is having such a hard time sleeping because she's trying to stay awake when she is usually sleeping. But there are times I feel like I'm being a horrible Mom making her stay awake, and then she is so tired she can't sleep. Oh the joys of motherhood. I know every Mom has gone through this before but somehow it's different when it's you and your child you can't console.

Oh and to make matters worse I have hardly any milk coming in. I've ordered an herb called Fenugreek that is supposed to help with milk production but I'm afraid that it may already be too late. Hopefully though since I am still getting some milk when I start taking the herb it will all be fine.

Funny isn't it. You'll log on and read how blessed I feel one day and how precious my baby girl is and then today you'll read about how crazy I am. I still feel really blessed and my baby girl is still precious, it's just I'm not sure I'm doing this whole mother thing right. I've been reading in some books that say this is normal, but my hormones must have kicked into high gear because I don't feel normal. Maybe it's the sleepless nights that has me so crazy but what can you do? I knew this was going to happen way before I even got pregnant. Oh well, thanks for letting me vent.